Pebbles along the shore

The dance of moth

2012-01-23T11:15:00.000-08:00

It was a stormy night when the fuse got out. I reached for my drawer and lighted a candle as it seemed a safer option than to fix the fuse of which I got no idea whatsoever. The bright yellow flame spread across the beige walls of my little room with my shadow over the pale brown curtains. It was interesting. The shadow was so dark and bigger than my normal self. The concept of umbra and penumbra somehow fail to deliver what shadow really is. It was at that moment when I saw a moth hovering out of nowhere trying to play a dangerous game with the candle flame.

Having all the time in this world, I was in no hurry to observe how this moth tries to tame the flame. The odds for which were fairly zero. It was a one way ticket. The very moment moth gets too near, the carbon of his body will provide nutrient to some blooming flower while nitrogen may form the lava of some volcano suppressed for far too long. My shadow was still there...right behind me...watching me...watching me how tiny I look and how tinier that moth which was holding me spellbound. Suddenly a thought struck me - 'What was the dream this moth had before his eyes opened and he frantically started searching for this flame?' Amazingly enough, it is as hard as to read the mind of a moth as it is to read another person's mind. Something I learnt that day. I had no clue what made him walk this road to assured death of which the decree was indeed signed my him!

The next moment my heart froze as I gripped across the table. He had made up his mind...the altitude was decreasing....the flap of the wings was getting stronger...reflection of the flame was clear in his eyes. Time slowed...my anxious eyes widened and the tiny voice inside of me which wanted to shout 'no!' withered away like some childhood dream... the only thing which remained unchanged was the shadow on that brown curtain. Watching all too closely.

'Tch'. That was the last sound I heard from that moth. Probably his last message for me before his body blazed bright and the silent smoke with his spirit got evanescent in the air. 'Thad!!' and the window got opened by the strong wind...the candle went out just and so was my shadow. I was only left with me. Thats when I remembered something...something which I read a long time back...

"They danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"

Living with regrets?

2011-12-07T06:09:00.000-08:00

(One of my friends here sent me a link while commenting on “Insult the dead”. I checked it and I stumbled upon a very interesting text by Bonnie Ware. Below a resumée: )

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

New 'thought pudding' coming soon in november!! ;)

2011-10-25T09:38:00.001-07:00

Cause and effect: Life as we see after

2011-06-04T14:43:00.000-07:00

Just when we thought its all over...we realize it has just begun. Life with all its shortcomings and bittersweet symphonies has always something new to offer. Nothing is ever the same. Everything is dynamic....constantly in motion. We all are heroes of our personal legend. Something which take a long to realize and well in most of the cases, it never does. What I am talking about is something which can be spoken in form of metaphysics, or pure science or pure spirituality or simply speaking the essence of life.

I still remember as a child when all I ever wanted to do was to fly my kite to the farthest point. Today, many things have changed but I still find one moment...may be not so frequent...but one moment to make my kite...to walk on the beach and make it fly to the farthest point. To be a perfect 'new born' in the same old place. The feeling is indescribable.We never remember the day how we felt when we were born except for the fact that we were all slimy, wet and crying...and then it all got worse. Honestly, it doesn't matter because this is moment we get our re-birth. When amidst all the chaos and problems...we still find that one moment...one imperfectly perfect moment of inner peace.

I have always been a keen observer of Karma. Something simply putting as whatever you do, will back to you. But then I happen to feel the underlying law beneath this law. Something which I have the right to judge in all possible scientific manners being myself a scientist with applied biotechnology and advanced nanoscience background - there exist no benchmark to life. Yes, there is no benchmark, no definition, no guru or no religion for life. In order to compare you first must have something of equivalent nature...it is like if I ask which is your longest finger? You will compare it with the rest and then tell me...but what if there is no other...there is no eye for your eye. At this junction at this moment...we tend to see the world with a different view.

The entire science is based on cause and effect. when ever there are reactants there are products. The same applies to life....a series of cause and effect. You plant a seed...you get a tree. simple. But then if this is true the reverse of it should also be true...let there be a tree (effect) and there can be millions of seeds! right!? Let there be effect and cause must follow sooner than later! Try to be happy this moment..with the sheer pleasure of having one good deep breath...with pleasure of being able to see one more beautiful day...to see one more meaningful life and then let cause follow! Why to wait for the cause which you may never control..."if I get this job" or "if I get this money" "if I get this person" No. stop. You can not live the other life...you cannot control the variables not in your hand. Isn't it a better choice to relish the effect and let cause follow. Soon you will see the whole universe telling its secrets to you! The entire creation will be more magnificent than ever imagined...the fruit of karma shall come and pass and you will sway like a flower in the sun!

The entire universe is expanding....the entropy or disturbance is ever increasing. And I can talk it in terms of quantum mechanics or chemical equilibrium but I chose to let it as sample as it can get... plant an effect and let the cause follow. You will experience tremendous energies working around you all in wonderfully synchronous way...the awareness in itself shall be your inner light to unravel your personal legend. Cheers and plant a worthy 'effect' today :)

Neverwinter Song

2010-11-27T19:49:00.000-08:00

When November bends above me

And find me lost in sleep

Winds need not keep the secret

Of the love once sowed not reap

When November tells the bushes,

The meadow-larks will know,

And pipe the three words gently

To all the seeds that grow.

Above my roof the smoke,

In notes of deep-etched rain,

Will tell the quite beetle

Beside my window-pane.

From beetle to the sparrow,

From sparrow far and wide

Then tell my love the secret

"The innocent love has died"

Erection of a wise man: Never near...always far

2010-11-04T17:36:00.000-07:00

Human beings are strange animals. 'Homo Erectus' as some may know is not the time this four-legged ancestor of chimps stood straight and walked, but in true terms it is the first 'erection' (serious, no bullshit intended)
Centuries have passed, thanks to evolution the things just got well..what to say but from platonic erections to morbid fetish desires oh and well...not just limited to sex.

Erection without sex!?? It sounds impossible but you must've seen people drawing strange pleasure from almost anything and everything they can fancy (and not so fancy like getting a 'rat-race' job where you always have a chance to win a coffee mug or T-shirt! ). The time is about whims and fancies - the time is for 'Homo Sapiens'
Homo Sapiens actually means the 'Wise man' (some latin thing I guess)...but I fail to understand the criteria making it wise!?? May be the first thing 'homo erectus' wanted was its 'erection' to be legalized...and down came the words of almighty "Thou shalt be Homo Sapiens" and no one objected it. After all...erections are part of our pleasure!! Right!?

Times have passed but we are still the same...walking on two makes us no different. The first 'erectus' was no different than what we are today....down trodden by erections...chained in desires....and the only way to justify is to call every thing 'wise' (the Homo Sapiens). Its like saying "the world has lot to learn from Amsterdam because the Tibet of Buddha is no more (Chinese democrasy...As God made everything...so God must be Chinese!!!)

We are so keen going to the sub-atomic level, the nano-level and still so ignorant if not afraid of our own set of emotions. We are making DNA replicate in a testube and still be fail to understand the very 60-80kgs macroscopic person next to us! What history man! what history. The day is not far when evolution will give rise to the so called evolved version 'Robo Sapiens' although that is just a formality. We are more or less the same.

Oh and thanks to global warning, soon we may have to rent our places as love-making joints for the smarter extraterrestrial life, you might see some aliens/spacebots making love while you still try to find the fucking meaning of your worthless life (come on! don't feel bad...you know its true!). There was a day when we all were throbbing with feelings...and now we are just trying hard to create any of those moments once again. The dream did got over but longing is forever. We try everything futile (oops! no no not futile ;) to experience the exterme...but in reality that is just a grudge against our subtle self who just calls for one thing - love (and sex, n multi-currency, rolls royce, red carpet dinner and penthouse in miami..oops I just got sapiened! ;D ).

What is Luck?

2010-10-02T11:25:00.000-07:00

He worked by day
And toiled by night.
He gave up play
And some delight.

Dry books he read,
New things to learn.
And forged ahead,
Success to earn.

He plodded on with
Faith and pluck;
And when he won,
Men called it luck.
--Anonymous

This is luck. Simple.
If people knew how hard I worked to get my mastery, it wouldn't seem so wonderful at all.
Michelangelo

...

2010-09-03T15:14:00.000-07:00

Pupa and the Beetle: A thing called life

2010-03-12T23:01:00.000-08:00

Once there was a forest where lived a tiny pupa. Protected inside a cocoon where no dreams ever spawned and so no dreams ever broken. The sly insects use to keep on telling pupa that its her fate to stay closed as the world outside is too harsh for her to survive.

One day came a beetle travelling across the seven forest...seeing all the shades of life. He came merrily whistling into that forest and all the other insects didn't appreciated his care free style. While passing by, beetle looked at the cocooned pupa and said "Why are you still inside? Its a beautiful world out there!"

Pupa got apprehensive as insects were saying ill things about the beetle. However Pupa replied "They tell me it's a sick mean and dirty world outside. I will be crushed if i will come out. this cocoon is for my protection". Beetle laughed and said "These manipulative creatures are trying to make you follow the same fate as they are undergoing....they never told you who you really are! you are no insect...you are a butterfly!"

"There will be a day when the pain to remain a tight bud will be more than the risk it takes to blossom. O! my darling pupa...come out and see this world! Believe in yourself and you can fly!"
Everyone cursed the beetle trying to change the rules of the jungle. They tried hurting pupa but beetle protected her fighting them. Carefully he guarded her...for a bigger dream. And there came a day when the cocoon cracked opened and viola! ...out came a beautiful pink butterfly!

Everyone looked in amazement at this miracle! The butterfly gently kissed the beetle and said "I would have never been this without you. I may never be the candle that spreads light but forever be the mirror that reflects it. You are the love of my life and together we shall savor every moment of life"

Soon the feelings grew strong but Butterfly struck a thought. She thought "Now I am a butterfly ...i am colorful...i can fly...n i can have better options.... others are talking about us. I think it's time for me to get over with this beetle without anyone having a doubt..." One night while beetle was standing unaware she came and pushed him off the cliff....some say he survived...some said he was never seen again.

But Legends tell...God sent the fractions of beetle's spirit in each one of you waiting to be discovered. The same beetle who spawned a butterfly and later prayed forgiveness... for butterfly didn't knew what she did. They say if your heart is pure....on some silent night if you listen closely to your heartbeat you shall hear the beetle whispering something to you....

Autorickshaw stamped with an MBA- Never Give up!

2009-12-06T03:41:00.000-08:00

I asked him to drop me at the Shipra Sun City. He smiled and replied to me in english (mind it) "Why you want to invest Rs 70...why to invest more? any other auto wala with other passengers will drop you there for just Rs 5". WHAT THE HECK!!??? He just replied in the perfect English tone! I removed my shades and took a close look at his face and smilingly said :you better take 70...I want 'you' to drop me"

Well, and then like always I started a conversation with him. His name was Vijay, a graduate from Agra University (English) and associated with 'Sellter India Pvt. Ltd.' in marketing for more than 3 years. I was stunned to hear this. And casually asked..."seems like driving auto is more fun..huh!?"

He laughed and said "I like this". I was like....'Damn! what do he mean by I like this!?? How can a marketing guy like driving an auto!??

I couldnt contain my curosity and bombarded him with all my questions. Here's what he said:

"My father was suffering from throat cancer...and in his treatment all my savings were used...later he passed away. Due to recession....I lost the job and was put into serious position of earning my daily living and to support my wife and child. So I decided to run this auto. My child is 4yrs old....he goes to a public school. My wife is an aspiring IAS (wont disclose her details here)"

I was dumbstruck...'Which kind of a creature am I seeing...is he human?? In today's world where lies and betrayal are the only things left, how can such people manage to survive? I asked him " what does your wife and child thinks about this job of yours?" He replied-

'They are proud of me. In fact, my marriage was a love marriage and she has always stood tall in all times. I earn something around Rs15000 every month...which is enough to support our needs. Damn!....Such girls exists!??? I said 'Mr Vijay love is not a thing for me...but after seeing you...I am sure that if it should ever come in my life it should be your way'

He told me about his future plans of starting an Interior Designing firm...after an years saving.

I was really impressed and inspired him to talk more. Below is something which he said and you all must take a note of it: (he said all this in english)

"Sir ji...people lie when they say this world is the way you are. There is no God as well. Its always our karmas...you hurt someone you'll be hurted...you use someone you'll be used. I am glad that I got a chance to test to what extent I love my darling wife and child. And I am happy with my own little understanding. Sir ji....khuddari se badi cheez is duniya mein koi nahin hoti. A promise is a promise...most people just use and move on...dikhawa karte hain...duniya mein khud ko accha dikhate hain par andar se kholke hote hain. Sorry to say...but they cry in the end....and no God can do a thing about it. Its just a way to sell religion."

I was all frozen....didnt got words to say. He just said what I've known from the start but dare not to utter it. He dropped me at my place. I gave him the money with my card and said "Mr. Vijay you dont know but you will change many lives when people will know your story. God bless you and your family...when ever you need anything I am just a phone call away'

And with that I bid adieu to this stranger who was like some god-sent angel to answer somethings I was desperetely looking for. World Aqua Congress proved far more important than I thought.

PS- I also took his interview (video) but not posting at this moment.

Vote for me now! Blogomania 2010 sponsored by Odyssey360 | The 24 hour online book store with 5 milion books to choose from.

Hero of the story

2009-11-19T10:58:00.000-08:00

Come closer its just... I don't feel good.

a normal medical symptom nothing to worry...

and you know doctor soon I'll be fine (?)

I am breathing then why you look so grave?

no tranquilizers...so tranquil already I am

and don't rush the nurse...the ward boy...

I still got plenty and you know it...right?

My vision is dimming because of this lamp...

open that window and all will be fine!

there's so much 'pending' I am worried for

and those wait-listed things which calls for attention

I gotta pay the bills and those agenda for meetings....

And all those 'to-do' 'so-called-real-life' things I never really did...

I am the hero of this story...I don't need to be saved..

I am the hero of this story...do I need to be saved?

"In a planet of our own" - Edutainment at its best! :)

2009-11-07T02:33:00.000-08:00

Ahoy! I can't remember when was the last time I was so enthralled by any conference/workshop that I did'nt wanted to come back home! IDC at IIT-Mumbai proved their worth by providing an excellent platform to allow culmination of various different backgrounds to learn more about sustainability by creating a unique multi cultural platform for mutual exchange of ideas and knowledge.

Whenever I use to get confused, I use to look for the signs...like god giving me the glimpse of what will happen or how can i make it happen. I boarded my flight from Lucknow to Mumbai. The guys sitting next to me shared one thing in common - The Funny bone ;) Be it hitting on air-hostess or provoking that young boy to poke the girl sleeping next to him... or of course fiddling with the display units provided in front. The trip almost got over within no time! It was so much fun. At the airport also, we didn't tried improving ourselves and gave ample chance for every sincere parent to let their child know "What not to be" and "What not to do" :D

Upon reaching Mumbai, I was lost as always. The security was forced to ask "Sir aap ghar se kuch soch kar toh aaye honge..." Finally I made him understood my motive. Then voila! my name was not in the list...undestanding my helpnessness, the congenial security fella himself asked me to dial a number and ask about the accomodation whereabouts. Well, finally things were set and i was alloted the Hostel one-- which according to me is the biggest geek zone of IIT-B. Later it was affirmed as the hostel only belonged to Masters and Phd guys. Pity...some were actually resembling senior citizens...and some have that desperate looks in their eyes of how their 'javani' got wasted! ;)

Mumbai suited more to my taste. Without wasting anytime I corrupted my new found room mate, an Industrial Design student from pune to go to some nearby lounge. It was a damn mast place... "jugheads" close to powai and IIT-B and best...we reached when it was "HAPPY HOURS" yippeee!!! Pitcher after pitcher were ordered...and the whole congregation came alive.

The next day, our sustainability workshop started. Honestly, I was a bit apprehensive about the whole event thinking what a design guy can tell environmentalist or rather what if they keep on discussing the design part only of which i got no clue about. Anyways, all apprehensions were subsided and came out a wonderful rainbow of mutual trust and understanding as I was lucky enough to get into Peter Stebbing's group.

Peter himself is an Erasmus course coordinator and in his words, "enthusiastic amateur in sustainability". He was a wonderful fellow to be with! We both shared same tastes and a enjoyed doing some 'crazy' things of course which in our words are pretty much normal! ;). Even the national coordinator, Dr. Bapat from IDC shared a great interest and passion in environmental issues. Finally, after enough of brain storming sessions, we got our product - it was a shoe! LOLZ ;) and we did a great work for our final presentation :)

I met some of the most wonderful people there, some of the most creative ideas I heard, some of the best underdogs I noticed, some of the best diplomats etc. etc. etc. Most of whom I'd like to be in touch with. I made some wonderful friends there....met someone who gifted me some beautiful moments to cherish for the times to come...saw some dreams in every eyes that there will be a day when we'll prove our worth. In words of one of my friend, there was actually no time to put forward our ego...which justifies why we gelled so well in so little time.

My sincere wishes to IDC-IITB for managing such a wonderful event at such large scale so efficiently. And yo! all you mates down there...remember the show just got started...and we ain't quitting without making it bigger! God bless you all. Someday....we shall meet again:)

Till then be safe, be strong and PS.....Dream on!

The Road not taken: The power to dream!

2009-10-30T01:23:00.000-07:00

Since my childhood I noticed two very peculiar characteristics about we the Indians:

1) We are good in cursing the system.

2) And how easily we get influenced by people close to us.

It all started with a dream. The dream in you...the dream in me...the dream in every young eyes of an Indian that someday "I'll tell the world who I am". Then those childhood dreams petal by petal started withering away from adolescence to what "sane people" term as 'maturity'.

Our thoughts which use to start with ' I dream of...' or 'wow! can I also do this!?' or 'someday I'll be the one doing this...' changes to 'one should be practical in life' or 'talk sense!' (disclosing one's dream is a crime now!) or best 'I got my priorities to look upon' (perfect way to lie to this whole world along with yourself).

So whats so wrong!? or what am I actually talking about? Well...I am talking about resurrecting the 'real us' the real 'you' in 'you'. I still remember I once told someone that "Never quit on your dreams....they are like your babies who deserve all the care". If you have a dream...work and achieve it. Tend it like a mother.... mold it well like an ideal father...fight its fear like a trusted friend and above everything else value those who once/are part of your dream. The last part is rare but still it may happen.

Okey so now the point is "every one has a dream but what they lack is the strength to achieve it"

What to do now? Well according to one of my favorite "Tipping Point" theory of Gladwell which in short can be defined "How little things can make big difference"

1) Law of Few: For a success all that matters is what you choose to be! the chosen few whose special gifts will unravel the mysteries hidden along their road to success. So practice your 'gift' wisely or else with law of Karma that is 'what goes around comes around' you are bound to be nuked.

The best way for it is helping everyone with your biggest strength.

Suppose you sing well...then make someone smile today....you write well then make some one know the beauty around....you sketch well then let your beauty bestow the canvas... you fight well then stand for the weak...you shout well then raise your voice against the prevalent ill. WHATEVER YOU DO....DO IT LIKE NO ONE HAS EVER DONE IT BEFORE!

2) Stickiness Factor: Will a shark ever know the glory of flying across the sky and vice versa? NO! So your 'gift' is basically your gift and there will be cases when you'll be utterly misunderstood coz even though the other person may be good/wise enough can be your parents/friends/lovers or anything but they might not understand the role you are plkaying coz they can never perceive it that way. BE EXTREME...STICK TO YOUR 'KNIGHT's OATH!!!

Maybe your loved ones walk away but soon they'll know that what they cherish today, you were once the part of its making.

3) The Power of Context: As humans, we are bound to get affected by the environment. But the art is knowing that 'if I'll do no wrong, I'll have no wrong'. Many a times we "think" that we did no wrong to that person/situation but trust me on this one....your conscience will know it for sure. It's like if you've cheated someone, manipulated things, to safeguard your vanity let someone suffered, misused your power/emotions...then wake up!!!. Have you ever heard that a person dioing a lot for someone's happiness with a hope ( not expectation) that someday they will understand.?? WELL GUESS WHAT THEY WILL UNDERSTAND BUT ONLY THE BRAVE ENOUGH SOULS HAVE STRENGTH TO NOT ONLY REALIZE THEIR WRONG DOINGS BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY COUNTER AFFECTING IT.

THOSE WHO SAY PAST CANT CHANGE....THEY DON'T KNOW FROM WHERE TO START.

No one's asking to change the world history...but your personal history which has a better chance of being remembered for good for what righteousness you show in present to that person/situation than what you did in past.

So dear friends

live everyday not just breathe....

feel the intensity of your emotions...

drench in love

get wiped away in friendship

and with this you shall understand your true nature and that shall be your journey towards understanding 'that special gift of yours and how to make this world your man the way Armstrong did! ;)

A so very true story (just feel it)

2009-10-19T02:19:00.000-07:00

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked stone & scratched lines on the side of the car.
In anger, the man took the child's hand & hit it many times, not realizing he was using a wrench.
At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw his father....with painful eyes he asked
'Dad when will my fingers grow back?'
Man was so hurt and speechless. He went back to car and kicked it a lot of times.Devastated by his own actions...... sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches,child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.The next day that man committed suicide. . .
Anger and Love have no limits..

Things are to be used and people are to be loved,But the problem in todays world is that,People are used and things are loved........

and so he said "help me or fuck off" to God!!

2009-10-07T10:19:00.000-07:00

You baptized em' from their sins

by listening to those prayers

and you gave every one

all the love they asked for....

now look at me...

feel my sighs slowly withering away...

these tears unnoticed no reason no purpose

broken befallen, listen to my prayers

give back my love and I shall face my fears.

O! lord you better take notice of me...

choking inside...my time is near

and all i ask is for my love... my dear

come on! you are "The God'...

for what good you may be??

Not asking those heavens or anything else from thee.

And what 'God' you proclaim your self

when you cant even do this much for me??

O! father of sacred realms...

just make her come back to me....

and like your name shall your star always shine bright

and just like your star my heart shall find its peace in her arms...

don't forsake me now..nothing remains but you..

make this happen, give this aching heart a moment of solace

o! tell her my love beckons her...do this...just do this in your name of 'God' itself.

*************************************************************************************

Dear mates...

this is the english translation of one of my favourite Indian movie song (Love Aajkal - AAj Din chhadiya). Kinda wrote it in form of english poetry to make its beauty and that dark passion spread inside of you as well.....enjoy...read and re-read.

To all my foreigner friends who asked me on SZ to come up with more :)

Thanks for all you support. And glad to be of some help to you guys :)

Comments welcomed.

Frost

When you feel this way

2009-10-01T07:46:00.000-07:00

There are times when we are so lost

darkness surrounds, soul covered with frost

look around for a warmth of touch

broken, departed a forever crutch

when all things meant to bring us down

the trusted few nowhere to be found

besieged befallen choking we plead

unanswered prayers mistaken creed

and then my friend when you're worst hit

rest if you must but never quit

the beauty of life is not how fair we may be

its the scars we carry helping someone like thee

An uncommon journey

2009-09-22T09:11:00.000-07:00

I still remember that confused look on my driver's face when I re-confirmed him that 'my return ticket should not be confirmed'. Reason? simple...I think after every 3-5 luxury AC travels, I must go for a rugged up 3-Tier travel where the dirty train floor is my only companion!
And so was the case when i decided to spend my weekend with some of my special frnz in delhi. No doubt I had a blast with them...like always. But the real fun began during my return from delhi.

I had my 'wait listed' ticket of Shramshakti Express. With all my gujjari pride and virtuoso...I got into S1 coach and sat along the spacious floor along the door. That very moment I saw two more guys entering the coach...out of which one gently asked me "Can we share this space?". It was a spacious lot...and moreover as he provided me with a matchbox to light my fag, I knew I am with the right company ;)

Fags were lighted and brief intros made. One of em 'Aashiq bhai' was working at a reputed call centre in Delhi and simultaneously doing his MBA, another at Addidas retail management and I was into R&D at IIT-K. So all in all very different backgrounds. But the conversation was disturbed when I saw a clumsy looking fellow entering and standing at 'my place'. I was in no mood of saying a 'yes' to him to share it. But then honestly his first line made me burst into laughter! He said 'Bhaiya struggling actor hun...kaafi struggle kara hai...thodi se jagah de dijiye" and then he swore that he'll keep on entertaining me throughout ;) (gosh...its good not by 377 way). Another one was a mgmt student...his name was danish aka atif...nice lad ...neat singing voice.

So in short this was the team:
1) Myself (with my same riders on the storm wala attitude)
2) Aashiq bhai (a serious guy working at a call centre; MBA grad)
3) Addidas bhai (soft spoken lad working at addidas retail)
4) Actor aka avinash (this guy from raibereilly unleashed hell! a talented freako)
5) Danish aka atif (the mgmt grad with a knack to sing all sexually explicit songs;)

And then started a series of uncanny fun and adventure. Avinash was a talented guy with proper formal training from 'Bhartia Natya Academy' (Delhi) and his mimicry sure was a fun filled punch. Also, as he sang some of my fav hindi songs along with his innocently 'not-so-mature' comments, I was really enjoying the flow. Danish also had a knack for music and sung some of the best Atif Aslam's songs. But his real talent was the way he enjoyed singing those explicit songs of honey singh! ;) so sure he was my personal fav! The level of masti was so high that even the TTE who took 'dakshina' from us to let us remain seated, returned it back to us! hehe...and further, gave their telephone nos saying this is their best journey of life and we must stay in touch with them! :D

I was also in full flow with my jam-packed PJs and shayaris.....in short yaaron sama bandh gaya.
People were standing across and listening to our conversations. And then the shit happened!
Suddenly I started feeling vibes...umm i cant explain it but its something i really want to ignore.
and then i could'nt wait and asked 'Aashiq bhai aka salman' (call centre/MBA) tu bahut pyar karta tha kya usse???
he was dumb struck! coz it came from no where. and then I didnt asked anything....just kept on telling him his story without asking him a thing! weird...yes but i am use to it. He was a person with nice heart...and obviously as his beloved will get married to a rich ass in oman next month, he was all broken. And then he asked a lot of things...which i answered to the best of my watevr.

He became so calm later. I made him realize what I took quite a long to realize myself in just an over-night train journey. He was so so happy...and kinda peaceful...glad...satisfied. as if he got to know whats his bigger purpose in life...
Next morning we went our seperate ways....with a promise to meet again. Somehow each one of us was complemented by one another....as if it was destined...as if each of us were a part of a clue to resolve our lives. I am thankful to god for that wonderful journey....and if nothing else, making me realise still there are many for whom i can do some good;)

god bless you all my dear companions. Someday if you come across my blog...dnt forget to pour ya heart out :)

Cheers to all my Kanpurite kegs
PS- Aashiq bhai...whatever i told you that day will surely come true:) (aameen)

The childhood charm (innocence slain and dead)

2009-09-05T11:51:00.000-07:00

when days use to start with winsome smiles
when friends use to flower our heart to miles
when we use to laugh over serious things
and plan expeditions for some magic ring.

when we use to think this world is for us
when we use to love with faith and trust
when we use to play over the tree top house
and duels limited to "I'll be cat and you be mouse!"

but then came a day when the flowers were gone
we looked around but heard no song
wondering we stepped across those walls apart
some scrapped knees and a broken heart

Those lullabys faded in stench of greed
I still sometimes wonder to identify the creed
what have we become once we were like dove
hurt, use, slit, betray....all in name of love.

just some more time

2009-09-02T11:35:00.000-07:00

I am trying to write something but I don't know why its not coming.... :(

Be Right Back

2009-08-16T06:05:00.000-07:00

hello my dear friends,

well...i am sorry for keeping off from blogging for quite a time.
but i believe its required...time for some serious soul searching.
wont discuss much of why and what ifs....but thanks a lot for your sincere emails/scraps/queries/missed calls/SMSes inquiring for my next post...

thanks again for your time and support.
njoin the sine wave of life.

frosted signing off....

PS- cmon guys...at least dont comment on this.....when i'll be back it will be more fun to comment!

Remains of the day (What life really means?)

2009-07-17T11:15:00.000-07:00

There are times when in our heart we know the right thing to do...
We don't really think what's in it for us? or what repercussions be...
we just do...coz that can make a world of difference in someone's life...
maybe not ours...but "someone"...that 'someone' who means a world to us...
You've been selfless in your deeds...and your faith intact to help out that "special" person
You sacrifice...you bleed...you plead...trying to identify the creed..which is however no where engraved.

You took her hand...and assured her that you gonna make everything all right
You took your heart out and gave it to her sayin "Baby...this one's for you...never break it"
And then time turns the tide around... you see your emotions were traded with something else.
That "something else" was more important to that other person...u cried from the inside..
But assured your self "If that is what makes my baby happy...I'll find peace in that"

And then from a new end with a new resolution you start fighting again...
A fight for truth...honesty and above all to keep ya baby safe...
thinking "my baby" is too innocent to understand the "politics of life"...
you were selfless then...your love is selfless now...its a hard way now
there aint no way you can get into someone's mind and make them realise...

But you kept your goodness alive....protecting your 'baby' like some guardian angel...
the cult of wolf is within you...re-assuring and fighting a fight which people will never know
in the end what all this world will say is "dude...you made it all look like hell..but it wasn't"
they bloody didn't knew...and you fuckin not answerable to em'...those who seek..finds the truth.

And then one fine day...you see some warriors coming your way...giving you your much deserved accolade...
you can see in the eyes of your sweetheart....she did something she shouldn't have done
You hear the words of those "warriors" appreciating the bravery put forward....
they'll never know the price...and better will be never to tell them...or infact anyone coz no one will understand...whats the worth of some emotion you tell??

and then when you turn around and you can see your sweetheart realizing the mistakes...
which turned into atrocities...and you convince your self by thinking "baby is a baby too innocent to understand the shady part"...

And then when the bloody battle is over...(mind it for the people) you still on front...
and you ready to take on the another wave...you turn around and say....
"I just wanted to see you happy...you go..be safe...soon we'll meet and never be apart"
another wave...another blow...fuck em all...you keep moving

In the end you got what was promised to you by the "Mightiest of all" (find the cliché or ask me)
and then fine day...you go back...go back to see the love of your life...
for whom no pain of yours is greater than her happiness....
with arms wide open you make your gesture clear...
And then "Slashhhh!....a dagger passes nicely through your back"
Damn...you turn around to see who did it...
And "Khaccchhhh! another dagger deep into your heart"
You couldn't believe what your eyes made you see....

"Sure she wasn't a baby anymore"....you sighed and told your self
on your knees taking your final rest...you look up to her...and all you can do is just smile
and this closes 'a chapter' of your life
*****************************************************

I read in bible that when ever faith is tested...whole of the cosmos unite against for a cause. The other person may have all the luxuries of this world...the most sexiest bodies for every pleasure...the most extravagant life anyone can ever imagine...but what that other person will never have is someone to care...care selflessly. someone to love...in a way that ready to take on the whole world.....to make them feel that life is nothing more than having some real good friends

"Do not come by my grave and cry
Coz I am not here.....I did not die"

In front of God...your credits are clear. and if you ever did wrong to anyone...hurted the one who loved you the most...remember realization does'nt only mean accepting you did wrong but most importantly...doing every possible thing to make it right!
The love you out poured will come back to you...and the "compromise, deceive, priority compromise' the other did...trust me even if you don't want but god will make sure they keep on compromising for the rest of their life.

Remember guys...love don't ask for anything. The commitment made is to tell the other person how important they are and what value they have for you. Don't regret...cause you thought that other one is special but he/she was as special as the rest of 99%...not the one percent genuine ones. You know we don't love anyone...in fact love choses itself the worthy enough souls...you made it..the other will take one more life to learn (as going by neal walsch).

Don't worry a heart that can courageously stand for a cause and love someone selflessly will always be made special by God. You see...somethings which you don't know...but you were in the middle of the crisis and voila...somehow coz of you/your involvement...things were set right! these are the signs...the SOS sent by your wounded heart....and the christ will do the need full.

Gather the shattered pieces...don't be afraid of getting hurt....gather them all...coz those pieces will serve asa compass for the rest of your life. And no matter what the other did to you...your purity remains in your own hands.

PS- Celebrating the spirit of eternal joys...and just njoin being a die-hard enthusiast :)
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

-- 1 Corinthians 13:13
This concludes my long discussion with Mr. Nick Jones (yo! nick comment wheneva u read dis one :)

I carry it in my heart (its so very beautyful!)

2009-07-13T12:55:00.001-07:00

I carry your heart with me(I carry it in
my heart)I am never without it(anywhere
I go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
I fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)I want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart(I carry it in my heart)

- Edward Estlin Cummings

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I thought if i won;t share it...my blogging about "Love and associated shit" will go all in vein.
Such a lovely expression portrayed...I just can't get out of it :P

"Don't call us Slum children!"

2009-07-09T07:30:00.000-07:00

I was involved in educating underprivileged children of Kanpur city for approximately five years. Sometimes, it use to be identifying slum schools and linking them with NGOs, assisting in fund collection and providing basic necessities or at times...just going there and teaching them.

But today it was a special day! Our company 'Earth Consults' made its first public appearance with an aim of making children of 'Prerna School' more aware towards environmental issues. Mark my words they are students of 'Prerna School' and their 'self respect' don't appreciate anyone calling them 'slum children' or 'slum school kids'.

Our event was aimed towards creating environmental awareness and knowing the mind set of our future generation. Our heartfelt thanks to Mr. Daniel Sarkar and Sri Durga Prasad ji for supporting us in this cause.

SEE WHAT WE DID THERE? SEE OUR PRERNA SCHOOL!

We targeted class 6th, 7th and 8th students. The team of EarthConsults with volunteers conducted this 'awareness event' successfully. Thanks to our volunteers team...especially Gaurav aka 'Srishti' for his continued support.

Class 6th students were given a choice to write on the topic 'मेरा परिवार' (My Family) or 'मेरी माँ' (My Mother)
I swore to God...I got some of the best entries written by them! A small kid wrote on his family even when his mom and dad passed long time back! What an emotional write up he worked out telling how much his dadi ji loves him...and his 'chachu' who is his role model (Computer repairer)

Class 7th was provided with the topic of 'मेरी महत्वकंषा' (My Ambition) or 'अगर मुझे एक लाख रूपये मिल जाएँ तो...' (If I get a million bucks...)
Absolutely stunning post by a quiet guy...in fact the only guy who wrote on 'My ambition' as all other boys wrote on 'Getting quick money' That lad was so focussed on becoming an engineer that man...hats off itna dedication toh hum mein bhi nahi hoga!!...Over all....very good entries!
Best thing not a single student wrote "I'll buy this...or to 'live a luxurious life' They all wanted to give back to society...wanted their presence to be felt...some wanted to be doctors...some teachers..some lawyers....God bless them in theie future endaveours...nannhi annkho mein itne saare khawaab and that too full of altruism!!! (Hats off to Menon Sir for 'designing' such a 'generation' in such time of crisis!)

Class 8th was provided with topics on environment...although they couldn't outpace the quality shown by their junior...as our expectations really got high...but nonetheless some showed really good awareness levels!

My deep respect to Mr. Daniel and my mentor Sir S.V.G Menon who during those initial times only planted the seed of altruism in so many people that today...I can see their efforts really bearing fruits of success for these kids of Prerna School and for our society.

Later we gave a brief speech telling students about how they can be more responsible for the environment around us and keep it clean and green. Best thing was...they really seem to go all the way for it! Tomorrow (on 10th we'll go for the prize distribution and Il re write a post accordingly)
All the best my dear 'Prerna' (Inspiration) friends for letting me take a peak at the other side of the moon. May god bless you all.

HELP US TO GO A STEP FURTHER IN OUR SOCIAL CAUSE. VISIT OUR PICTURE GALLERY AS EVERY CLICK OF YOURS WILL BRIGHTEN SOMEONE'S LIFE

Sarvesh Kumar (Founder & CEO): My version of entrepreneurship

2009-07-06T13:06:00.000-07:00

I hate being told what to do...
so i developed my own rationale of knowing it.
I hate being told how to do...
so i developed my own ways of making things work.
I hate being told when to do...
So i developed my own insticts to compensate for.

And well all my dear friends...today my long sought vision of founding a company actually happened! How does it sound:

Sarvesh Kumar (Founder and CEO)
Earth Consults Outsourcing solutions.
www.earthconsults.com

I owe my heartfelt thanks to all my friends and family who stood by me when others left.
My sincere gratitude to my respected IIT-K mentors and some other kind souls.
And above all....my open admiration to God for giving me blows i never thought I'll ever over come and then filling me up with light to chase my dream.

Its not important whether 'EarthConsults' will earn profit or not...its not important whether I'll gain my long sought fame ....but yeah whats really important is...satisfaction. Like planting a seed and then doing everything for it to grow!

Yes...we've started getting orders! and its just the beginning....
and at the brink of this fateful time I'd really like to tell everyone reading this post that...that...no defeat is ever final...and same with the victories! ;)

Thanx to 'designer assholes' (as they one of their kind) who constantly motivated me by creating hurdles in one of their own ways...some loosers...some sissy souls....and the one best left unsaid.
And on the closing note...i'd really like to tell you some important things i've learnt during the development of this project:

1) Trust your self....coz if you wont no one will.
2) Your character is reflected in your commitment towards people. Value it.Value relationship.
3) Stay focussed. Be an inspiring team leader....coz twice at least a situation will come when whole thing will be on the verge of loosing control.
4) Take time to do things you love to....one life..no tension...only masti! (like i use to teach slum kids...they proved they are wiser than me!!!)

infact one of them said that "i should never fall in love coz i tend to think people are just like the way i am". I was stunned to hear this...and then he jokingly said...the same happened with him!! (class 8th lad saying this!) hehe ;D साला... बिना कहे ही तीर निशाने पे मार दिया!! hehe :D

5) Dont let anything disturb you from the inside (stay calm). if you have a problem...dont run away..face it boldly. dont break your commitments or your true self...break the problem instead.
Remeber...only care for those who care for you (u'll save tremendous amount of energy this way)

LOVE YOU ALL FOR YOUR CONTINUED LOVE AND SUPPORT.
CHEERZZ TO ALL MY KANPURITE KEGS!!!!

Legalizing Gay and Mr.Phattey's View

2009-07-02T12:32:00.000-07:00

There are many versions of totally stupid people who by god's grace are still surviving during such times of economic crisis and acting like a silent assassin over India's Agricultural produce.
I am sayin so after reading one 'gentleman's comment over legalisation of Gay rights in India,

Read what our enlightened 'dhakkan' said:
Re: More coming from Gay community
by Yogesh Patthey on Jul 03, 2009 12:17 AM Permalink
"there is a way out.

our scientiest should invent a vaccine for this disease. and this should be given in the very beginning of a child's life. to save his life and the life of forthcomming generations.

best luck India..."

I once heard...now I remember..."once a dick...always a dick" :D
Being a biotechnologist...never thought of coming up with this 'path breaking' idea!! hehe ;D

Thank god someone made him aware of his hightened state of enlightment!!! hehe:D

Re: Re: More coming from Gay community
by Joideep on Jul 03, 2009 12:44 AM Permalink
LOL. A vaccine???? You are totally clueless Educate yourself ...

Damn...we will never see the filth inside us...but always more worried about what's happening on the other side of the wall. We will keep on justifying our 'well-conserved...hand-picked' values till the end of times when in turn its nothin more than a chewed spat of fag....

Bhai no matter what they legalize...as long as you not affected by it...why to do 'ungli'??? those who are happy let them be happy...ryt!? why to itch other's back??
why its alwys to open your mouth and excrete your poo out???
How does it really matter whether your name is 'Yogesh Phattey' or 'Ullu ke Patthe' ??

I Hate such restless asses!! (which should'nt matter to u;) ...ryt!?)

Man...everyone has a right to love and in turn be loved. Be it gay...lesbo...homo...bi...tri...tetra...penta....watevr.
If you not one of them....go fish.
If you one of them...get hooked.

Waise have you ever noticed "People who go for fishing generally gets hooked"?? LOL ;)
ChakkOOooo Man! Life has so many other things to get aware that you really don't want to know the 'orientation' of the ass next to you.

"Jo hota hai hone do....aur jo nahin ho ra hai....usse bhi hone do!!!"
Not everyone is "lucky" like us to have a 'girlfriend' but what really matters is....one must have a friend.

LOVE.LIVE.GROW

Frosted signing off.
Peace

Pehle Pyaar ka Pehla gamm!>??

2009-07-01T12:36:00.000-07:00

कभी जिंदगी से हँस के बातें किया करते थे...
आज ख़ुद की ख़बर को भी तरस गए हैं।
वो दोस्ती के सजदे, वो क़समें, वो वादे...
न जाने कहाँ जाकर सब बरस गए हैं।

वो फुर्सत के लम्हों में सपने संजोना...
वो सपने संजो के दिलों पे पिरोना...
वो रूठे, वो टूटे ख्वाबों में खोना...
और रो के सम्हालना, सम्हल के था बढ़ना...

पर न जाने कहाँ से यह पैगाम आया...
मोहब्बत है जूठी यह इल्ज़ाम आया...
तमाशबीन खड़े लोग ख़मोश थे...
आगे बढ़ा मैं और बढ़ के है पाया -
"की खंजर जो दिल मैं लगा थे मेरे
नाम उस पर भी मैंने तेरा है पाया"

-----------------------------------------------------------
उस मुकम्मल जहाँ की तलाश में यारों...
कसम से शायद ग़लत गली आ गए थे.
नासमझ थे तब इसलिए अ़ब सज़ा पा रहे हैं
पर अपनी गलतियों से सीख ....नई बंदी भी पटा रहे हैं!!! (CHAKKOOooo!!!)

PS- Dream ON MAN!!!

Leading a satisfying "True Looser's" life

2009-06-29T09:26:00.000-07:00

jhtgpmq3cz

Many a times we find falling short of everything we ever really wanted to be. Things don't seem to work out and can only get from bad to worse. All those dreams we once had are slowly withering away like a lonely tree standing in a cold spell of snow. All together, those very people we thought would be ours...those very longings we thought we deserve and that very faith which kept us moving for so long soon crashes like an ocean wave on a rock....all desires once held close to heart now slain and dead.

When doubts and insecurities are laying siege over the castle of our happiness....
When a never ending troll-like army of misfortunes ramming against the door....
When the cursed knights of loneliness and despair stomp the ground outside to tremble the very floor beneath our feet...
When the stench of failures and broken self defies us of any 'silver line'
When the wicked wizards of trickery and hippocracy somehow spell-bounds our conscience....

Is there any possible way to turn back the tides???
Practically...NO. But is life only about practical living!?
Nope...it never was...it never is...it never will be. Still the likes of "impractical" people like Einsteins and Edisons...and "loosers" like Alexander Graham Bell (hope you know his story) and "lunatics" like 'Mozart and Picaso' would have never really existed. They were all once a loser like you...like me...like everyone else you know...but when their 'castle' was about to be breached...they decided to smack up the MOTHERF***ERS!!!

With that spell they turned the tide of the war!!!
A 'looser' won the battle.

History was kind to them (as always to winners) and placed them in high accords...many valiant knights like Mother Teresa, Abrahim Lincoln, Kennedy, Dr. Jenner, Bhagat Singh and so many valiant knights from so many countries.

You want to know who was actually that enemy which was common for all???

The enemy was this whole world in all its forms trying hard to make those people to ultimately 'give up' the values, the principles, the people, the dream they stood for!!!

This time follow it...follow it for yourself cause you not doing any good to anyone by being in a constant state of suffering. All your responsibilities are futile....remember you got just one life...live it to hilt...empty river satiates none. Fool the whole world... but not yourself.

"RISE A KNIGHT...and YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE!!!"

PS-Keep Walking (Johny Walker ;)

(Cheers to all my Kanpurite Kegs!!!)

Taking it the Jackson's way!

2009-06-25T20:47:00.000-07:00

“In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe.” -Michael Jackson.

The King of Pop bids his final adieu at an age of 50. He wasn't a mere singer or entertainer but a 'self made life style' most people can only dream of. Working up his carrier only when he was 5 yrs, Jasckson said in one of his interviews i once saw "I was the 9th child and was blessed by Christ with this gift of music which was different from my brothers and sisters. I had an urge to let it out in all it's colours". And I swore to God he bloody did it. He was charged of molestation...which was made a big hype and was never really proved in court of law.
Well, whatever be the truth but the things Jackson worked for and the legacy he created can't be ignored.

"I will say again that I have never, and would never, harm a child. It sickens me that people have written untrue things about me. "

A personality whose royalty earnings were whopping $500 million per year, really stood up for so many social causes which media never really covered the way it should be. I really want to know what difference does it make if someone's gay, straight, bi, tri, tetra, penta or watever? What difference it makes if he underwent a billion grafting surgeries??? Why people are always so interested in 'digging dirt'???

REAL DIFFERENCE WHICH IS WORTH NOTING IS HE (JACKSON) WAS DAMN GOOD IN HIS FIELD!!!

People despise him because they can't be like him! Man at least he was far better than Shiney Ahuja (http://www.rediff.com/movies/shiney-ahuja-2009.html). A man so desperate that he did a crime as hideous as rape and that too with his maid servent!?? All his glories turned into ashes...and something lost in a moments desperation to gratify something which could have been obtained by better means!! (Right?)
I remember how I use to tell someone that 'what a fucked up world awaits outside' and why "some people" willingly choose 'The Cult of the Wolf'. If you ever find a person who cares for you more than he/she do for himself...who's like a shield standing between you and your 'misfortune'....who fights the whole world to bring back your smile....hold him/her and never let that person go. Man....even Jackson had all he ever wanted but he died a lonesome death...seeking love he never really found in this life time. (Divorce within 2 yrs of marriage...and then on it was just a social obligation i believe)

“If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.” -Michael Jackson

Anyways, Jackson with songs like 'heal the world', 'Ill be there' and so on so forth ushered an era of 'passion personification' in all its forms. Master of his arts and a seeker of love, Jackson's life was full of turbulence and controversies which were brewed like anything.
May his soul rest in peace...something which he couldn't derive on Earth.

“I am bewildered at the length to which people will go to portray me so negatively,”

PS- Don't worry Jackson...the world will remember you for the greater good you did than for the lesser evils (everyone does it...even the so called Gods)

jhtgpmq3cz

Scholarship call and meeting 'Sindbad the sailor'

2009-06-23T19:44:00.000-07:00

After being screwed up big time in my pursuit of selfless dedication towards some issues, I paid a heavy price by compromising with my college admissions/scholarships. Amidst all topsy turvy events, a scholarship interview call from NUS was also not really appreciated (honestly). The venue was Chennai (fuck...cant even see nice chicks) and with lost focus, it was really hard to give a technical and HR interview to one of the best institutions of the world. Worst thing....I didn't even knew to which course I applied! (me..the dud guy!)

Anyways thanks to my 'Bloodbrother Clan' member - 'D' yeah his name is Divyam and he assured me of "no problems" and it will be fun to be in Chennai. Well, on proposed date, I left to Chennai via India Airlines. They got pathetic air hostesses but throughout I couldn't clear my head off from a hottie i saw at the airport - Goddess of genuine feminine 'characteristics' that Aphrodite deserves to be an air hostess and so she was!!! (Kingfisher Airlines) hehe...;) Thought I'll return from Chennai by kingfisher airlines only which later i did! hehe ;)

Well upon reaching D's place the first view from his balcony towards those cool blue waves rejuvenated all my senses. It was a series of endless fun from then on. The best part was an early morning walk on the beach....we ran among the waves...not a worry in this world...and every time those strong waves hit us...it was fun to be thrown around!!! Some distant temple was playing a devotional song in Tamil and the ambience of the cracking dawn and the roaring waves were something which I'll never forget. We made a castle of sand....which was washed twice...but then we finally succeeded by making a wall around it! It was really wonderful! In fact we made "The Altar of Scorpion King"!!! Thnx to a dead crab! hehe ;)

We talked of all the things we never really have time to think about. Discussing 'why' and 'what Ifs'. Lighting fags and then throwing it away...coz we didn't really needed any of it then! And guys those waves of Marina beach...were like the most violent of all I've seen till now. But they silently whispered somethings to me. Things like....

1) At first you'll get scared...the way those waves appeared...like our own issues in life.
2) Next...sooner than later those waves will wither away...like any problem in life
3) But if u want more than just the white salty froth...get into that ocean and take it head on and plunder all the pearls!!! ;)
4) And most importantly, our dreams are like that sand castle washed away by waves. 'Washed away' they'll be but..... till the time we make em' again!

and we exactly did that!! :)

Its the same Rock On's "Sindbad the sailor" reminding me of a line in that song 'uske the jo sapne wahi uske the apne..aisa tha saindbad the sailor' (do you have it in you??...do tell me)

The upcoming days were filled with more fun and masti wid Aubik (the game developer), D (the International Visual Effects maestro), Odissi (the total BC lad!) and many more wonderful people I had a chance to meet.

Nice one man. And if you guys ever visited a place which changed your perspective...do share it here. Try waking up when the rest of the world is sleeping....head straight to the beach... among the waves.....and let their 'kiss' intoxicate you through the rest of your life! And my heartfelt thanks to Vijay Mallaya...who started this pious advent called "Kingfisher Airlines" hehe...

To 'someone-like-my-mum'... with love

2009-06-22T03:22:00.000-07:00

There are some people we come across in our life whom we can never forget. Its not necessary they be dynamic, strong, powerful, beautiful, wise or any such adjective but the real point is how their chords matches with us.

And this post is dedicated to one such special person...someone who is not really tied with a blood bond but still I feel a strange emotional link. Maybe past life connection or whatever but the thing I am going to tell you is worth noting. She is someone I respect like my mother. She is someone in whose weirdness I find compatibility with and she is someone I now know, we never gonna cross each other's path again. To respect her privacy, am not gonna name her or tell anything personal about her but am gonna tell all the things that made her special...if nothing else, special to me! :)

She is Confident, suave, talented, and yes most importantly... financially independent.
Of the very few people who have enough strength to take a stand for 'the reason' they believe in...she is one of them. A meticulous will of defying gender proportions to stand and fight for her rights in this male dominated society. Who plays all her roles well enough beyond doubts... role of a mother...role of a wife...role of a friend...role of a guide...everything. She knows what it takes to sail across uncharted waters and explore the new worlds. I still remember how we use to talk long hours discussing so many things! :) It was all so fresh... a feeling like "yeah! i am not alone" There are people who think like me...who are practical/impractical enough like me...who believe in things I believe in. But the course of life never ran smooth....and so it implies to everyone including my "Lady with the lamp". You see...there are times when you really want to do something for someone but you just cant cause the space you have wont allow. I've always been an extreme guy...who hates this feeling of 'getting tied'.

But with her...I learnt the power of prayers...which I always knew but never really practised. She admired me for my foolishness of being genuine and truthful even if it costs me dearly.....something which not all mums will really appreciate. Well...for some this might mean a treacherous 'game plan' but for me...its simple act of 'understanding'

Now things have changed....and they can't revert. But I believe if I can really make any of you people out there... especially the ladies to know what it takes to prove your worth against all odds....I should do it. Something like taking all the responsibility and loving your loved ones and going for the job and dreaming of the things you once wanted to be and lost sometimes of why it didn't turned out the expected way...and then having enough strength and faith keep going!
Oh!....she taught me so many things. And 'Maa' herez a dead letter to you coz i know it will never reach you but still...it makes me feel good n so I am doing it.

( Like always doing things which is totally impractical...insane and not socially acceptable i believe and again risking myself at public display of emotions)

Gonna miss your advices
Gonna miss your care
Gonna miss your anxious concerns
Oh! i so really wish you were here. (heh...nice rhyme though)

Hum toh kuch dene ke kabil nahin hain...
par dene wala har khushi de aapko :)
God bless you.

Searching more people with such mettle....if you folks out there know more of such 'valiant knights'....do let me know. (Bleak chances)
And whats the thing she taught me above everything else???
"What ever happens....happens for good. Don't listen to people...all they know is just to talk!"

My heartiest blessings and deep respect for her and all such mothers out there...who have what it takes to outperform the roles framed in this male dominated society.
To motherhood....greatest of all religions of this world.

Identifying ASSHOLES (survival manual)

2009-06-20T11:43:00.000-07:00

There are some pests which always try to infest our lives with their undue presence. These pests have no other motive or rather I should say aim in their own fucked up life then to brew more troubles in name of any god damn thing you can think of. And well today I am going to talk about the three main type of assholes we generally come across:

1) The technical assholes
2) The emotional assholes
3 ) The real RBs Assholes (RB=Rat Bastards)

The first class is a comman class prevailing in almost all sects of the society and mostly unnoticed coz of its wide array availability. These are the simple 'technical' bastards who are just 'simple practical opportunists'. For them every thing is injustice as long as others are doing it. Then at one point of time they themselves start doing the same....worst thing they always defend themselves by saying "Thats not true...I m not the only one!" Well yeah sure...you not the only asshole dude. The technical bastards are normal individuals who put up their best vanity in form of their true self....saying stuff like ' you don't understand...but this is how the world works'
The best way to spot them is how they first flutter...then weaken...then run away under any situation which they find not worth making profit for themselves. Most of you galz or guys who cry coz of one or the other thing by blaming it on someone, dude...forget it! They'll never understand....coz for them life is always "ME FIRST"

Okey then...wat next? The next categories is for people like you who blame the other person for your miseries. yup....you got it...these are "emo assholes". Just portraying emotions in all form to everyone around telling what a great tragedy the other person inflicted on them! and well the tragedy could have beeen something as small as not being able to call back or something as serious as watever.

But these meek pests seek sympathy as their food for soul. They never realize that coz they were such 'emo Aholes' wimpering like a sissy girl so the other person just got over with them. And frankly speaking I kinda feel a develish sence of joy in noticing these shitheads....coz they always forget their part! Loosers would have all the rights to complain and nag and fight if they'd have atleast honestly played their part....been more aware of wats to be done and fulfilling responsibility first...and then watever happens happen. But sadly these shitheads are more busy tryin to control the other person and when the plan did'nt succeeded they came to something as cheap as 'emotional blackmailing' {A big FU!...alwaz a looser}

And last but not the least are the true...genuine...authentic..."RAT BASTARDS". These are combination of both both the above cateogories. They love creating shitt in any one's life they enter. Pretenders of great order their true nature is only revealed only when it really comes to take a stand. when they say love it means posession/need....when they say friendship it means use/greed....when they say truth it means self appeasing/socially accepted.... and what not! And you know wat the worst thing is??? You just cant bring them down....and best is we shouldnt even try...coz for that we have to actually fall to their decree....and i really believe wiping Mr. Chennaswami's ass will be a better option!? ;)
But these assholes really make life of other people difficult. In name of relationships, in name of business, in name of family ties, in name of corporate links.....anyway round they can really be a real pain in your ass by making their fucked up presence reveled in one form or the other. Their emotional blackmailing is a level high where they precisely 'hits' on your 'weakness'. They dont have an ounce of 'jigra' in them but yeah....when it comes to procliming things....then they talk like as if they are some 'Duke of Edignburgh' (hai toh bhi Ghante pe chhad!!!) They will cry, they will threaten, they will come to their cheap ulterior story cooking and certain nasty blackmailing shit.....but watever they do...they will haunt your ass as long as they fuckin alive!?

Well...for the first two types....time is the cure I believe. But for the third type you require something more. That can be complete ignorance (beware of watever emotional shit he says)....or stuffing an umbrella up his ass (n let him say he knows someone who knows someone...just blow his ass sky high).....and finally the best way....take it as a lesson of how nasty and fucked up people can be...and somewhere deep inside be thankful to god for giving you such a valuable lesson so early in life!

I have learnt some of mine....hope you too do it early ;)

PS- We all at one point or the other play the same 'asshole thing' one time or the other. Only forgiveness and strength to realize one's own purity is an antidote to it. Let them be what they are...you be what you are!. As you sow....so shall you reap. An old adage.

Loving everything about...

2009-06-09T15:15:00.000-07:00

Its 3:45 (night) and even nocturnals prefer to have a sound sleep at this point. But there's something lurking in my head which I have to first identify and then magnify here for you guys. I've always believed that there are always three sides of a story...my side...your side (or as a matter of fact any friend or foe) and the actual truth. Strange enough, today i feel enlightened towards another side ....another dimension of any story/incident/action... and this Fourth dimension is - cosmic dimension.

okey no need to freak out...putting simply its like "destined dimension". Something which was pre-spawned long before we ever met anyone or ever did anything whose repercussions we are facing this present moment. Its like a pre-written movie script in which we are working unaware of the fact that we or not only the main lead but also the script writer! that means the heroine, the vamp, the beautiful, the ugly, the hero, the villain, the good, the evil....everyone's simply playing their parts as per the script! and whose bloody directing?? (or technically playing wid our life!?)

Oh....u know him well that same old freako whom no matter how much we hate...will still love us anyways! Yeah he's Mr. God...personally i prefer calling him 'Gangsta' kinda nickname from my side (Imagine him as Don Corleone of 'The Godfather' movie, justice will be served only the way differs!). Our karmas make up the script while we live in this physical form and those essential lessons (moral of the movie/life includes hope, faith, compassion, love...of which love is greatest (as per every religion and spiritual teachings). Its like getting a 'back' (rearrear paper...if you an engineer you know well what i am talking about;)) in any paper and so giving it again to clear it/pass . Thus, whatever things we couldn't clear in our previous life...its time to clear now! WE've opted for those 'papers' (tasks) again! But its just that we've kinda forgotten it all...and this creates that 'wall' and so our miseries hanging around it like cow-webs.

Okey.. so now all i really want to know is then why people run away from that very love they always wanted to enter in their life? how can anyone see their lover guy/girl in tears and move on without saying a consoling word? (well i know many who can actually do dis) How come its always love which is sadistically traded for material gains and priorities? You see, there in front of gangsta you cant say you 'did something' coz that was feasible for that moment or virtue demanded it or shit like that. your concience will be tested there. even if it required a whole new life again for you to relearn a simple lesson that 'Love is greatest of all things' or ' Forgiveness is the real essence of life' or 'Innocence is the gate pass to heaven' or any such quality your concience supports...but the world outside does'nt (generally).

Maybe those people who manipulate in name of relationship/any thing thinks they are clever and can really take the one 'thinking-only-from-heart' for a ride, but unknowingly they worsen their role in their script. It can be well described by vedic shastras " HANS HANS KE KIYA GAYA PAAP RO RO KE BHOGNA PADEGA" dat means every sin we commit with a shameless smile has to be repaid by repenting with our tears. So why let that situation arise?

But still they do. Now the issue is whether those manipulators/pseudo-sophisticated/vanity-personified so called humans did right or wrong?? Honestly speaking...they just did what they really are. What they do to you is their karma but how you react is yours! Yeah... its obvious to "miss" the person you thought they'll be....but now that illusion is ripped off your heart and so some amount of bleeding and pain is obvious. But make make sure you not into habit of scratching that wound again and again ...one way or the other...knowingly or unknowingly and making things miserable for your self.
So as of know, just forgive and forget. Have no feelings of remorse, regret or revenge. Let this be the biggest martyrdom and medal of honour for all the sacrifices you ever made for that 'special one'....coz in this life, loving is easier than forgiving! n u've grown so much in love dat a level up u gave the other one another gift...."gift of forgiveness". Fight as much as you want...but then make up the things. you have all the right to scold and fight with that very person whom you love more than your self :) (till 'that' moment arrives)

Now...even gangsta will smile upon u n will make sure he reward you for living the way which requires no world scriptures and theology i.e...... "Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver."

Life's beautiful....and if you live the right way...once is enough :)

PS- No matter whatever be the problem...just smile and let your radiance brighten up the worlds around you! Life's calling...where are you?

n dont forget to 'smell the flowers' :)